8 Pieces Of Real Advice Every Newlywed Couple Needs To Know
Just married? Congrats! Or maybe the big day is just around the corner… Regardless, marriage is definitely one of the biggest commitments two people can make to each other (maybe outside of parenting, right?) So, how do you make sure that promise really lasts until “death do us part”? Well, luckily, we have 8 pieces of advice that will help you start your marriage off strong and keep that bond.
1. Communication is Key
One of the secrets to a happy marriage is communication; talking to each other about any and everything. Communication problems can cause a breach in any relationship particularly, marital relationships. Good communication between spouses can even spice up the relationship; when marriage needs it most. The issue that come from lack of communication can cause a lot of problems in homes; of which I believe yours is not going to be part. Therefore, it is of great necessity to learn how to communicate effectively with your spouse. Your spouse cannot read your mind or know what you are thinking, therefore you have to be responsible for speaking.
Every couple will have their stints with reality checks, as well as fine-tuning, and every couple has to learn to communicate so the needed adjustments can be made more easily and effectively. As often said, “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.” This kind of communication should be your goal in marriage because the dearest, most important and closest person to your heart is your husband or wife, so therefore your speech should be soft, sweet, and suitable for every situation.
The truth is that an ill-tempered, cranky, quarrelsome attitude will just annoy your spouse the same way a constantly nagging spouse can drive them crazy; therefore make it your priority to employ the use of sweet words to each other as a couple and also evaluate your speech patterns and communication.
Also, communication includes having a good listening ear. Listen ardently and passionately to your spouse. Fashion out a safe refuge where your spouse can divulge his or her innermost emotion, thoughts, ideas and expectations without giving a conclusion. A spouse should never criticize or quiet their spouse when they have ideas or something important to share. Unconsciously criticizing your partner or refusing to give a listening ear could result in strive in your home, instead of love. The combination of an open, honest, hearty talk, with empathetic listening, promotes acceptance and a deeper understanding. You will notice that both of you will feel safe, confident, and secure in your home and relationship.
For it takes a good communication skill and tactic to work as a team and working as a team is what brought you together in the first place.
2. Build a Strong Foundation
This is a crucial area in marriage. Building marriage on a loose foundation can be disastrous; therefore, time and effort should be made in developing a strong foundation for your marriage. In fact, being in love is not enough to build a solid or adequate foundation, or even a prerequisite to a successful marriage. You should remember and think of the reasons you decided to get married in the first place. Knowing this will help you build a strong foundation, trust us. DO you have values? Define what they are and share them with your spouse. Do theirs align? Do the accept and understand yours? Do you share the same values and belief or are they contradicting? Knowing your intellectual, emotional, social, spiritual, and physical values would help in making wise decisions for your present and future relationship.
3. Handling the Money
Money is another major cause of misunderstanding in marriages and it takes a big part in marriage, therefore, set your marriage in the box to achieve success in that area. It is advisable to meet with a financial planner or better still, both of you could sit down, set out goals, budget and devise means to attaining those goals. A proper financial plan for the home would save you from lot of fighting and quarreling. The first step in developing a financial plan is to agree after marriage. As a team, unity is your desire, so it is no longer her or his money, but rather, ‘our money’ and you have to plan that sharing.
The purpose of saving is to have sufficient funds in times of emergency, to pay off any credit card and consumer debts, and also for major purchases like a home, land, or automobile. As couple, you could set aside a percentage of your income to help others or support the less privileged, it comes with a satisfaction that your money is helping someone out there. However, another percentage of the income is for you a financed payment; for example, a college fund for your children, insurance, a vehicle, appliances, travel, recreation and other utilities. A lot of money is spent on housing and food especially, therefore it is necessary to make proper plans for these.
Finally, it should be discussed who keeps the record of the financial expenditure for the family. The record should be taken seriously.
4. Making Time for Fun
As a couple, you need to spend time together having fun. It will be a great time to connect with your partner. Usually after the honeymoon, reality begins to settle in; times in which to have fun, may begin to fade away. As newlyweds, don’t let anything steal that fun and joy from your marriage ever. Having fun as a couple includes making time for each other outside your house door, like travel to a new city. Try cooking together as a couple (if you don’t have time to get out); pick a dish that both of you would enjoy doing, or play a game together. This should be made a habit to keep the savor of the marriage continuous and to spice things up for you. Don’t be too busy and uneasy to do something crazy and spontaneous with your spouse. Remember why you wanted to marry this person!
Sex is an intimate act and it changes over time in relationships. The sexual life and fulfillment of your spouse is your now also you concern as their spouse. You should know that your spouse needs may be different from yours and as a couple you should try to understand both yours and their sexual needs. The female sexuality and needs are different from that of the male sexuality; each partner waits for this to be enjoyed as heaven. As a partner satisfying your partner sexually should be your goal, a spouse you should not be selfish about it.
Sex is much more than for procreation but sex is also for continuous enjoyment of life and for the greatest life’s fulfillment. A healthy sex life contributes to the success of your marriage, even into the later year of marriage. A healthy and good sex life between spouses create this glow and joy in your faces, it create a loving closeness, it is a bond that is only shared between you two.
Sex should not be withheld from your spouse when he or she asks’ for it because it’s like defrauding each other. As couple you should talk about your sex life, be free to discuss what you want, having a complete openness to discuss it at any time.
6. Dealing with Family Members
When you marry, you are married into a family and you have to deal with that through creating a relationship with your in-laws. Try as much as possible to live peaceably with your in-laws and see them as you own family members do not segregate. Also, as much as possible keep your immediate family issues within yourselves away from third parties especially family members resolve all issues within yourselves. One strategy that would help keep and maintain relationship with in-laws is to make a list of family members’ birthdates, try to send something each year so that your in-laws would be your friends indeed.
Solving Disagreement Without Argument
As individual having different background, likes, dislikes, desires and different things that irritates and pleases you, so there is bound to be disagreement because of this but dealing with such disagreement really matters a lot so as to avoid argument and offenses. The truth is that all marriage has or has had conflicts but the way such conflict or misunderstanding were resolved would tell if the couple would remain close or live as roommates, therefore, conflicts should be resolved in a friendly manner instead of an heated argument.
First of all, you must start by accepting the fact that disagreement would occur and disagreement is not sign that you made mistake in marriage. Our ideologies and perception of life is based on our history, educational status, our values, and our personality. These are the factors that make us different individual. Resolving disagreement has the ability of teaching partners how to love, support and encourage themselves better. In case of argument do not be at the place of being a winner or having your opinion taken always, it is advisable to give allowances. Every spouse should be able to speak out from their heart and should not hold back so that there would not be truck load of hurts and causing the wall of their marriage opened to the world. Learn the art of compromise and learn to attack situation and problem instead of each other; don’t attack your spouse, treat them with honor and respect every time especially in the public. In case of any disagreement do not be fast at pointing fingers to your spouse for the argument but rather focus on the problem at hand.
7. Love Your Spouse the Way They Are
Couples should love themselves the way they are, you should not have a project of changing your spouse to your taste accept them for themselves. Love is more than just the affections. Discover the love language of your spouse, discover what makes them really happy and continue to build up on it. What makes you feel loved might be different from what makes your partner feel loved, love is sacrificial not just in words but also in deeds. There are five love language; words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gift, quality time, receiving gifts and physical touch. Observe your spouse to discover his or her love language which could be more than one and keep your emotional love live in motion and express the love effectively.
As a couple you should never go to bed annoyed or angry at each other, try as much as possible to resolve all issues before you sleep so that you wake up in the morning without grudges but rather a smile. Do not rush into starting a family, take time out to prepare and know yourselves well as a couple before the stage of parenting kicks up. Also, as couple there are time that your spouse might want a personal time out, do not bulge them but rather give them the space they deserve. Try to keep promises made to your spouse.
Do you have some advice or tips to add? Share it with us in the comment section below!