Broken Heart? 6 Pieces of Advice To Put It Back Together
Why do breakups have such a great impact on one’s life? No matter how tough you may be, or how hard one tries to deny it, breakups tend to have certain ramifications on all aspects of our lives. Over time, people have learned how to cope with the realities of a breakup and regain control over their love life. As a result, we have accumulated a book’s worth of advice regarding breakup advice from all over the world. So rather than learning the hard way, we have compiled some tips and steps that will help you cope with your broken heart.
Importance of a Love Life
In order to understand why breakups impact us the way they do, and why breakup advice will help us get back in the game, we have to understand why love or a healthy love life is important to have. Our humanity is driven by the will to satisfy certain needs, and one of the top priority needs in a human’s life is love (amongst security, comfort and self-esteem). A lot of us find that the mushy and ‘lovey dovey’ qualities of love unnerving and odd. Some even think of it as a weakness. However, throughout history, humans can find that love is thought to be a strength and even a powerful characteristic. A love life with a partner or spouse provides an unconditional and unwavering support. There are countless examples of remarkable relationships in history who have persevered and become successful because of the support of their partners.
Love has spiritual importance as well. Almost every religion in the world has certain commandments or codes that dictate the basis of the religion itself, and almost all the commandments have to do with expressing love for one another. Love and support have a calming influence over your spiritual self and even your mental faculties. Scientifically speaking, love holds a vital part in your physical health. The physical aspect is fairly obvious; as humans who go through puberty and growth spurts, need a sexual and physical release. Love and attachment play a pivotal role in satisfying these needs.
Coming back to the topic, a healthy love life is a pre-requisite for maintaining a healthy lifestyle and leading a good life. Hence, when you go through heartbreak you are essentially losing a major chunk of a healthy lifestyle. Loss of any kind in your life is a painful thing to encounter, but losing someone who has a deeper emotional and physical connection with you is a difficult thing to encounter, regardless of the dynamics of the breakup.
Why Do Breakups Happen?
Breakups occur for a number of reasons. Sometimes, a factor in your love life commonly termed as ‘chemistry’ plays a huge role in a breakup. This chemistry is not a scientific subject, instead it has a lot to do with human biology. In relationships, chemistry refers to a common bond, connection or feeling between two people, which stimulates love or sexual attraction. It has to do with how emotionally synced two people are. Some people have great chemistry and some people just simply don’t, it can also fade and change over time. Sometimes people realize the lack of chemistry until after they are in a relationship. Hence, it is the reason they breakup.
Another major reason which is especially common these days is that there is ‘someone else’. Ouch, I know, this is a tough one… Some people tend to be unfaithful to their partners which can result in a terrible heartbreak for either party. Although, unfaithfulness isn’t always the case. Maybe you feel you have met someone more compatible, or vice versus.
To be honest, this list is really almost infinite. Maybe you have different values, wants/needs, and passions. Regardless of what your specific reasoning is, it is important to first, find out what it is, address it, and then act on it.
How to Cope with Heartbreak
Now coming to the main crux of the topic, how does one cope with such a loss in their personal lives? To start off, it’s important to note that some people who are emotionally strong or are the instigators of a breakup can handle breakups with much greater ease than others.
Another point to note is that after your breakup you will most likely get all kinds of advice, from all kinds of people. However, somewhere in the plethora of breakup advice are some important opinions and guidance that you should really hold on to.
The following are some of the relevant and important breakup advice that every person should consider if they are a victim of heartbreak.
1. Get Closure
This is perhaps the most vital and effective piece of advice regarding breakups. Closure is where both parties of the breakup find peace and understanding with the fact that things are over and why they are over. Jeffery Sumber; a clinical counselor, says that “closure is a mutually agreed upon experience where both people leave with resolution or peace. Both parties can walk away with a sense of finality.”
How can one get closure and why is it important after a breakup? Getting closure normally depends on the relation you had and still have with your ex-partner. If you were on speaking terms then the best way would be to have a nice, friendly conversation where both parties can clear the air and say what they want. If you were not on speaking terms, the best way would be to go through a sort of ritual where you go through any items your ex left behind and either return them or give them away. It’s important to be civil and methodical when dealing with this ritual because negativity can always come back to haunt you.
Closure holds significance after a breakup because you come to terms with the fact that things are over. Quite simply put, you deserve peace of mind and it is in your power to get it. Apart from that, closure helps in the healing process after a bad breakup or breakup in general. Wounds heal over time, but closure is like a wound dressing that will help make the healing process less painful and faster. Closure also helps you move on. This point is especially important for people who have bright futures but are stuck in a rut because they can’t fathom life without their ex-partner. Closure will help you get a grip and allow you to look into the future, because let’s face it, it can’t get any worse.
2. Keep Yourself Busy
Free time is a painful thing to have after a breakup. Our thoughts wander when we have too much free time and it is during these times when we think to ourselves, ‘maybe I should try and give it another chance.’ This kind of thinking will only make the breakup worse than it already is. To avoid making such rash and ridiculous decisions keep yourself busy. If you’re busy with work, or any other kinds of activities, then your mind won’t be thinking too much about the breakup and your ex-partner as well.
Try staying busy with work, this could be the time to make the extra effort for that promotion you wanted. This might be your time to opt for those photography classes you have always been wishing for. Try other activities that are more beneficial than harmful, such as sports, social clubs, traveling, cooking – the world is your oyster! Not only will these keep your mind off things, it will also help you get back in the world and meet new people.
3. Don’t Go for the Rebound
We are all familiar with the term ‘rebound relationship’. Rebound relations are where you get involved with someone with who you may only be remotely interested. People do this to fill the void of emotions and feelings left by their ex-partner. Not only is this unhealthy for you but it is unfair to the person you are having a relationship with. A relationship should be built on mutual feelings and emotions, not to replace or rectify the problems of the last relationship. Such relationships are especially common with people who want to make their ex-partner jealous by implying that they have either moved on or are in a better place than them.
These relationships will not heal you in the long term and are guaranteed to create another situation of heartbreak and pain in the future. The best thing to do is to avoid flings and short-term relationships until you have a proper grip of your emotional life and are ready for a committed relationship.
4. Give Yourself Time and Space
Following on what was talked about earlier, it is important to understand that breakups require time to get over. It is not a one week process, rather it can take months to get over. Once you have understood this fact you can start making decisions in life that are in sync with your healing process. After a breakup, it is common for people to try and replace that happiness and excitement in their lives by going on shopping sprees. The best thing to do is not to rush, take a breath and think about what you truly want and how you can achieve it.
Space is also important when dealing with a breakup. If you’re ex-partner keeps calling you or keeps meeting you in the same social circle, you should probably be upfront about the boundaries and the dynamics of the breakup. Let your ex know that you need your space to heal and get over the breakup. Some distance is always good for the soul.
Trust your inner voice that’s telling you everything will be alright. The important thing to do is to let your emotions and feelings guide you to a better place. Some breakups can be surprising and may catch you off guard. Even if you aren’t the one who initiated the breakup, trust your emotional capacity to make reasoning and understanding of why it happened.
5. Have a Holiday
Sometimes a healthy vacation is the best solution for a breakup. A change of scenery will help keep your mind busy, give you some distance, and help you get closure, all of which are essential in getting over a breakup. Moreover, going on a vacation not only grants a change of scenery but a change in your social circle as well. In some cases you and your ex are part of the same social circle, so hanging out with the same friends may not help get over the breakup the way you want it to. Going on a cruise is one of the age-old remedies of getting over a breakup.
6. Accept the Support of Family and Friends
Sometimes to fill the gap of love lost we have to rely on the support and love of our friends and family, and it is important to know that there is nothing wrong with that. Friends and especially your family are there for you unconditionally. It may not hold the similar level of love and meaning as it did with your ex-partner but it does help with controlling and getting a grip on your emotions and feelings.
Some friends share their own personal experience that allows you to understand the dynamics of the breakup and gives you closure, and some friends use humor and jokes about your ex to help you feel better about yourself and lighten the mood in general. After all, it’s not the end of the world.
Your family will love you no matter who you date or who you’re in a relationship with, and while there is a possibility of taking sides when it comes to friends, your family will always take your side. Your parents are also a great source of support after a breakup. Listen to them and understand their story and use it to get a better understanding of why your relationship didn’t work out.
The best way to deal with breakups is slightly paradoxical. This is because while it is an understood fact that a breakup has a great impact on your life, in general, you should also understand that going through once is a growing experience in life. We come to the conclusion that you should work hard to maintain a relationship, especially if you feel that you and your partner have the right chemistry, likes, and dislikes. Nevertheless, in the case of a breakup, it is simply best to give yourself some time, closure, and allow yourself to come out of it as a better person. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right? Just remember that sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
Maybe you have dealt with a broken heart differently? Share your tips with us in the comments below ♥